The Day My Life Changed

The day,
Unexpected,
Unusual.

Sharing in a normal day,
Losing track of all the time.
One thing to the next,
The ebbs and flows of the river.
The beauty of a simple time,
Simple,
Open,
Freeing.

A beautiful day,
The one that changed.
It changed me.
In little to no time.

A sweet time.
As the sun shines,
The birds sing and the world seems brighter.

So nice,
Casual living,
Living and being.
Being… in the moment and free.

So thankful, for the beautiful time,
The time, the day that changed me.


Feeling amazing, everything is good, everything is perfect. Met a friend, for a casual day taking photos on Tuesday, then we chatted so much instead of any photos. Later met at a bar which again was amazing. Chatting for like 4 hours. Met them everyday since but one for like a week. Thursday, we met up for a house party before going out clubbing. So much. So good. Friday she met me after I finished work, we met up for some food, and then chilled on some grass chatting and playing around before staying over at their’s. Saturday we chilled for a bit before getting ready for a DnB night out, such an amazing night. So amazing. So amazing. And even today, Sunday, I met them before their shift to see them, chat as they didn’t feel well, and it was all cool.

This week,
Has honestly been the best one ever.
Nothing bad has happened. Longest time without anxiety, without any negative feelings, maybe the occasional, but then remembering this week, what’s happened, it just makes the negative feelings just float away. They care, and I care about them more than anyone else. It’s amazing.

Everything’s just pure, casual, amazing and being is perfect.

Hurt But I Feel Alive

Hurt but I feel alive,
Happiness, from this happy-sad feeling,
The times, as they all pass,
As they flow,
Nothing fully better,
But at the same time. Yes.

Important to feel and be, in the moment, to feel alive,
To be and find,
The motivation,
The being, feeling and time.
Being,
In this moment,
To see, what I’ll see.
To try against all the pain,
Just needing, this leg-up,
A leg-up to try,
To try and carry on,
To continue this path,
To clear the clouds of the mind.
To find,
To make the most of every moment, again.

To just be.
At peace,
It may be just for now,
It may last some longer,
But from forth,
It’ll all free me.
It’ll free me.

It’ll let me be me.
Let me be glad,
And feel alive.

Happy-sad, alive and free.
Just trying,
Trying to be,
Trying to cope,
Making the most,
And allowing me to be me.


Today’s been better, work busy but good but still felt like my mind was going to pull me down. I knew it was gonna, felt it while waiting at the bus stop. Saw some friends from work, ones I don’t really know that well. We chatted for ages at the stop and on the bus, this brought me back. Made me feel alive, better. Also a happy-sad feeling of being alive, hard to explain. Such a small thing, made me feel alive. Really can’t describe. Feeling so happy I’m kinda on the verge of tears, the small thing that always shone through and brought me happiness, it was a part of it. I guess poetically (irony for a poetry-blog haha) this small thing allowed the small light always there shine through even when I stopped seeing it.

Listening to a happy-sad song, Summer Days by Galantis, it helps, helps. This song, sums up a lot. The hurt, the feeling better, the sadness, the cause, the experiences and it all.

On my way to a photography location, felt tired at the bus stop, exhausted, going to go home and sleep and “waste” the day, the nice day, before my mind changing and exhaustion evaporating and having the ideas, motivation and inspiration to go out for the first time in a couple weeks.

So Many Things

So many things,
So many things, I thought I knew.
It was real,
I know now is wrong,
My disability.
My reality,
Living,
In being.

In knowing.
I should know, should see.
But yeah.
Should see…


Wrote this Friday evening after going out with some friends. Not posted this on Friday because I was too drunk. Considered it after, but had to ponder what I had written, whether I meant it.

I am still not sure. And hence don’t feel like finishing it.

Many of the things ‘I thought I knew’ can still be true, even after that night where I thought I was so wrong. But, I know my overthinking.

Feeling a little better, not as good as when drunk. But. Feeling a little better than I have in a while. I don’t know what has been up, what is up. But yeah. Will have to try.

The World For The Taking

The world,
A world.
Its majesty.

A world anew while also not,
Perspective changing,
Yet all staying the same.
Calling,
Inspiration,
Goals and living,
Living and being,
Being and trying.

Trying to capture,
Capture, the beauty in normalcy,
What I had always missed,
In the busy life lead,
Missed yet for a moment,
To see,
Eyes opened.
To capture.
A philosophy,
One I hold true,
Hold myself to,

A world out there,
And inside,
For the taking, making, sharing.


Out on a photography trip with photographers around my city, I, clearly the newest, but our conversations, creativity, individuality, imagination. Met one at the end who their work’s inspired me, I wrote a comment on their work ages ago and I finally met them, they remembered my comment and said it really meant a lot and I’m glad because their work truly meant a lot to me. So glad. So happy. So happy and truly sound with wanting to get into photography, I was having second guesses and anxieties but tonight’s solidified it for me.

Path To Be Seen

There It is,
The path that is to be seen,
Amongst the unknown,
I can find.
I can be.

Not knowing my path,
Finding a knowing,
One that sets me free.

Seeing the world,
Seeing its normalcy,
Content,
Being and to be set free.

A path seen,
Amongst its lack of clarity.
The place found.

Finding and set free.
Set free by the casual.

Finding to be.

As the world,
Rings out.
Its confusion,
Trying to find a path,
Make a trek,
Finding,
A path,
To find,
To be,
Me.

Let it all.
Just be.
Letting it ring past.

Amongst the calm night.
It is, let be.
As I, let it be.


It’s been a good day, did a lot of photography, sorted plans for more and plans for doing my own independent research and as one of my lecturers suggested, sending a revised and added-to essay I wrote for them to a journal. Don’t have enough time, but as always I’ll make time. Also my best friend, we chatted a little today, and I’m looking forward to spending their birthday with them!

Just wrote a comment on my favourite photographer nearby’s social media.

My true aim is, to capture beauty in normalcy. Not having to go somewhere exotic or far away, you can find beauty, inspiration and pristine bliss wherever you are. You just have to look. Even if it is hard, you just have to let your mind look.

The Simple Moment

The simple moment,
A simple time,
All laid, on the table,
Casual conversation through it all.

From nothing into being,
Casual time, after casual time.

This simple moment,
Simple, beautiful, but still so simple.
A casual being,
But made into perfection,
Through its simple nature.

Reminiscent,
Of how, you can see the world in a sunset,
On a cliff edge,
A seascape or a mountaintop.
Simple moments in time,
Simple moments of location,
Seeing purity from simplicity.
Such a casual-perfect endeavour.

When, you look, back-round.
A realisation hits of this perfection,
Nerves come around,
Kindness, unsual but found.
A simple time, able to show,
A true self buried deep.
Aspects ignored for being alone,
But now not?

These times, moments, so simple,
Yet also so perfect that it confounds my mind.
My brain, understanding the dichotomy,
While also not.
Like a puzzle when solved, but continues to pose questions.

A perfect night,
Casual night,
A mutual goodbye-hello.
From a time been waiting for ages,
While concurrently new and out-of-the-blue.

With so many chances,
Chance on chance on chance,
Making this night,
Line up,
Making us light up.

From the laughs and smiles,
The night’s remembered.
From everything and the feeling.
The night’s cherished.

From everything,
The feeling, simplicity and humanity.
The night’s legacy.

All from but a simple moment,
A night in,
Meal,
Conversation,
Between two nerds.

Uncapturable simplicity,
Uncapturable significance
Uncapturable perfection.
Cherished in all its meaning.

Goodbye or not. The moment lives on,
A reminder of goodness,
Of all that can.

This perfect, simple moment.


Writing this, trying to capture, the feeling, thoughts, seeing my friend yesterday, for our movie night with cooked dinner and Ben & Jerry’s chats of the past, goals, achievements, dreams and so much more.

Honestly, it was so casual, so, I guess ‘nothing’ but was a perfect night. A perfect night, being able to be myself, be nerdy, chatted Pokemon, something I hadn’t really talked about in ages. Their clear nerdy but cute capability to name them all, and know all things anime. Such a simple moment. One I wished I could capture, but know before writing this that I cannot. But that, I guess, is part of the beauty, as my friend in America says, (paraphrasing/ my interpretation) that beauty comes from the fleeting moment, its being in the moment. What I wrote last night, I felt drunk, very, but totally sober, drunk on life, happy with everything, ecstatic.

Now more calm, collected but still ecstatically happy. My mind running clearer again.

For It All

For it all,
The beautiful song in the dark,
Light in the blackest of nights.

The life, left in the moment,
The poetry of time.
Life singing through all this time.

The speaking of the moment,
The life and the living,
Moments not yet spoken,
Moments in the balance,
Waiting, being.

Wanting to be better,
To show my colours shine.
To embody my world,
And make it all worthwhile.

Trying,
Beauty,
The life to be lived and held.
A world in the making.

Always limited in the meaning,
The being,
Making of it all.

The delicate times,
Moments shared and made,
Thinking of it all,
The uncertain path ahead,
The hurt of the goodbye,
Hoping it is but for a time.

To bring, and make this time mine.

A time to shines.
To make it mine.


Writing this, thinking of my friend I’m meeting up with again, thinking about lots, the past another friend reminded me of. Lots to think of, the messages we send and make, the times we hung out. All amazing. Making me better, wanting to be better. Making me want to stretch and encompass the world.

Been talking also to my American friend, thinking, hoping that all I could do, could make them feel, even a little better. They truly deserve it. I can do nothing, but will do my all, give my all, and make it count.

Ode To The Lost

Ode to the lost,
In time the scars heal over,
Paths find their way,
Their end,
And their shine.

Oh how it feels,
Perfect in time,
To make it all perfect.

An ode to the lost in time,
To find a way, It’ll come.
Feeling a world’s stride away,
Until found at the end of the long path.

The beauty to be found,
In a simple smile,
Kind heart,
Small deed.

Of it all.
To be found in time.
To be found,
In self,
By another,
In a world so dark,
To turn it light.
To just find the light.
Ellusive,
Until met.

Greeted with open hands and heart.
An ode to the lost.
In time to be found.
Only a step away.

For all the lost,
To find the beauty of the emergence.
The wondrous beauty of perfection,
To be found.
In that perfect feeling,
That perfect time.

For this time,
An ode to the lost in time.


Writing this feeling good, an amazing shift with amazing people in all my job. Making me love it throughout it all, still worried about the future but knowing I can make it work. Thinking of that amazing friend I’m seeing for a movie night and haven’t seen for ages and have missed. Thinking of my American friend how I really know you can make it past all the dark times to find that shine! Feeling the demons finally subsiding, as they have before. But feeling better, more closure and knowing I am me and no reason to apologise for that, haters gonna hate and all that haha. The demons subsiding. Allowing me to shine through.

This Is Not Me

Rise up against this gravity,
Throwing down the past.
Thrown up, in this revelation.

The world in place,
All the recurrences,
Plague of the light.
A light shining to throw away the shade.

The song sounds low,
As being sets in.
The scene, of life.
The horizon in sight.

The sun rising high,
The remnants of the world,
With darkness put aside.

Throwing out there,
The self, power and rage.
To live, to stand.
To make a place.
Against the darkness of the rage.

Standing against the darkness,
The demons that had their grip so close,
The demons within my mind,
Pushed back and out.

A life-line, glimpse into the world.
To grasp-hold,
To make way.

To take part.
Make whole.
Embracing all there is,
What is good, when nothing is left.
This is not me.

This is not me.
In an effort, to find me.
Rage and move into light.


Writing this, after work, felt rough. Been writing this for a couple hours on and off from procrastination on my dissertation. Had a revelation, that’s turned everything down. Something so clear but also not. Something I never thought, tried not to. For its implications about life, people and outlooks. It’s clear, and I’m feeling better, but also hurt by how the world can be sometimes. But knowing. At least knowing.

For That One Good Time

For the all,
For that one good time,
For it all.

A final hurrah,
The moment as it passed,
As it stays,
Oh what the moment.

Getting to know,
Such a good time,
For that good time.

So much more left,
A world to find and discover.
To truly see.
Having truly seen.

A world of motivation.
Everything working out,
By my working it out.

The good time,
A cheer to the past.
For so much happened,
Happening and to be.

Living in the moment,
Relishing in existence.
With so much,
So many things,
Trials, opportunity, future.

A celebration of that one good time,
Of many,
The ones to come,
And all the more that follows.


Writing this, looking back on a very busy and tiring day, a great day, but tiring working long at work. Seeing good people, reminding me of much in my immediate future, plans, good people, so much more to it all.

It brings my mind back to my friend. One who’s going away, maybe we’ll stay in touch, I hope so, one who’s so amazing. We’ll see what happens over our summer, their amazing trip abroad.

So much, so good, just waiting and I in the moment working towards it. So much good is here, so many amazing people I have met, so many hardships faced that I can’t believe I’m still here, somewhat, surprised. Especially if I look back. Can believe how low I had been. Can’t believe, I managed to somehow weather it.

And that everything’s looking up. Spending a long night contemplating, happy. And with so much to look forward to!

Amazing people, atmosphere, an insecure immediate position but closer than before, and also gettig greater academic experience, potentially getting funding to go to academic environmental history and meteorological conferences, still very much in the unknown, but with greater aim, hope and networking.

More of an abstract poem encompassing many things from many parts of many aspects of my life in the money, future and past.