Slipping Through the Cracks

Slipping through the cracks,
My sorrow kept under control.
Now unleashed into my mind.
My overthinking,
Over and over the waves of pain hits me.

Slipping through the cracks.
A pain.
Hurt.
Trying to forget,
In desperation to ignore the pain.
Thoughts racing,
Mind turning.

The pain, returning for a time.
A long time gone.
Returning yet again.
Emotions running wild.

Trying to gain control,
To gain control,
My thoughts running wild.
Overthinking.
My downfall.

The return,
The focus,
The attempt to not see.
The attempt to forget.

Slipping through the cracks,
The defences of my mind.
A pit of black.

To wait it out till morn.
A rough night to come.
Memories of the pains of my past return.

Knew the day would come.

As all from before.
Comes slipping through the cracks.
For a time.
Before I find the path, again.
My legs to stand on.
Before then, the pain comes.
Slipping through the cracks.

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In The Mirror

In the mirror.

The pain and the bliss.
The erupting of feeling,
My heart unable to handle,
To make sense.

Looking into the mirror of the mind,
That mirror of feeling.

The dark smile,
The happy grin.
Both consuming.

My heart,
Left.
Longing.

Wanting the path to show,
Even through my trials.
Trials of my feeling.

Feeling and being.
The pain,
Numbed by the bliss.
Hurt by my uncertainty.

My curse of feeling.

The ripping of myself,
Side to side of feeling.
The mirror with two sides.
My Janus face in the mirror.

The wreck.
Left.
Trying to piece.
Back together.

Leaving it to the morn,
To forget the hurt and the feeling.
To walk past.

Walk past my feeling.
The feelings.
Oncoming.
Not to be helped.

The Janus of feeling.
In me.
In this mirror of mine.
Reflection.
In this mirror of mine.

My Realisation

My realisation,
My awakening.
The knowing.

The pain and heartache,
The happiness and bliss.
The realisation.
My pain.
Also happy.
Confused realisation.

Sad acceptance.
Continued path.
Off and onwards I march forward.
Into the bright unknown I have built for me.

Sad existential angst.
The heartache,
Ever-present but controlled.
Controlled but felt.
Felt but buried.

How I reconcile,
The unknown next step I’ll handle.

Burying,
Both the most dear,
And the most hurtful.

A golden time.
Clinging onto the bright horizon.
Even faced with the dark storm.

My realisation.

Finding Me

Finding me,
The figure standing in the pass,
The dark path ahead to navigate.

The stormy seas within my mind,
Sadness drowned out by the walk.
My path, my aim.
My only way out.

Loss, a familiar friend.
Of everything.
Friends of a time.
People I have to let go.
Others I escape.

The passing,
Moving,
On.
Into the darkness.

Upset at the lonely path I walk.

But walking with an aim in mind.

Wishing for company,
But for now I walk.

The lonely figure in the midst of night,
The star-speckled night sky.

People massing,
Time flowing.
Thoughts remaining.

An linear oblivion.

An existential pathway.

Finding me on this path.
Alone, wanting company.

But for now I go on.
Finding me.

Beyond Heart’s Mention

The good times,
The fun ones.
Beyond heart’s mention.
Of the heart and of mind.
Hoping you never read this.

I try to go back.
Always hurts the same.

You,
One who helps,
One who listens,
Always kind.
Even if kept from my mind.

Always there,
If ever you need.

Never to be your burden.
For my mere problem.

I would love,
To back to where we were.

I’m there.
Always to call,
Always to listen.
Though I may have to keep my distance.

Know yourself,
Your strength.
The path you will forge.

The times once past.
Lost into time.
Remembered always.
Through the end.

Always, in memory.
In the depth of goodbye.

Just you escape.
Go on,
As you will.

I believe and hope.
Better without me there.

Just you, who needs to believe.
Forge your path,
Tearing apart the rough.
To forge it through.
Till your will.

To forge our paths,
Without question.

Beyond my mention.
My say.
With great reluctance.

Words from the soul.
Disappear with the awakening of the mind.
To make it easier.

In the end.

It’s beyond heart’s mention.


My drunkest poem recently, my most heartfelt,

Hoping for the best, even if I’m not there.

Drunkest but heartfelt and sincere.

Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt”, my inspiration.

The Warm Glow

A warm glow beneath,
The love, the care,
Against the adversity,
The doubt.
I remain,
To bask in the warm glow,
In the face of the realisation,
The hallucination.

Basking in this warm glow,
My feelings underneath,
Warm and glowing as the embers drift off,
Drift away into the cold dark.

I still remain,
Sit here clinging onto the last remains of a fire fading into the dark.
Through realisation,
Through revelation,
Being left to oblivion.

I cling on to the last bits of this flame.
Gaining strength from the warmth,
Empowered by the light.
Trying to keep it lit.

The memory to keep it going.
The lie as a necessary key.
To myself,
To keep.
The fire burning.
To keep hold of the warm glow.

Hoping to reignite the flame🐇,
The bonfire to-be.
The future lit by the bright flame,
Enough to put the Sun to shame.

Until the light returns,
I keep,
I shelter it,
Keep hold of if.
To keep it lit.
To keep it from the cold dark.
To make it through.

To give it new light.

I am here,
Remaining,
In warmth,

Holding onto the flickering light.
Protecting her,
This flame.
Against the oncoming cold depths of darkness.
Holding her, away from the cold.

Until it passed,
She reignites,
The flame turns into a bonfire,
To light the darkness,
Turn the cold, hot.

Until this time,
I remain,
Sheltering this warm glow.
Protecting with all I have,
All I can.

Sheltering this warm glow.

Sad Realisation

The feeling,
Dropping through your heart,
Displacing it,
Throwing it out of centre.
Throwing me out of place.

My mind thrown from the ledge I created.
My tower I built,
Crumbling before me.

Throwing me out of place.
My sad realisation.
Dropping through my stomach.
A sadness, claiming worth.
A sadness stating place.
Solidifying its base.

The mind throwing itself into circles,
My mind trapped in a maze.
Sad at falling for the trap of my own creation.
My own believing.
Thrown.
Having to go on.

Blind to my own realisation,
The one hitting me now,
So great.
Striking down the walls of my own thinking.
The foundations eroded.

All to do is to look up into the sky.
Getting absorbed in oblivion, in existence.
The void,
The existence.
A world formed before my eyes.
Taken away, ripped apart.
Before my eyes.

My own trickery,
Coming back to haunt me.
As I suspected it might.
To good for truth.
A time, an illusion.

A sad realisation for me.
My sad realisation.
The uncovering to be expected.
What I was blind to see,
Knowingly or otherwise?
Realisation hitting me.
Throwing me,

Oh this sad realisation.
The moment.
Turning in my mind.

A moment,

The sad realisation.

The Lonely Silence Of The Dark

Lonely silence of the dark,
The dark days gone past,
Those yet to come,

Waiting for those light days, the ones to look forward to.
To hope for,
To live for.

When the darkness of the night is all around,
With silence as the figure lurking in the dark.
The depths of night.
An impenetrable shroud;
Thick, dark, all-consuming.
Suffocating at a touch.

The feeling of life,
The memories returning,
But only for a time.
The deep sadness,
To accompany the lonely silence of the dark.

Out Of Mind

Out of mind,
I hide the feelings,
Scared of where they could take me,
Offered care and kindness.

Trying to keep the pain out of my mind.
To keep in the happiness,
A game of pretend,
To ignore my mind and emotions.
The pain that comes with darkness.
The shining light, that echoes in the darkness.

The mind, clouded with worry, sadness and uncertainty.
Trying to push all feelings out of mind.
Trying to save myself from my demons.

An attempt to hold strong against the dark.
To keep the leeches at bay.
To wipe my mind,
To save the body.

Out of mind is the answer,
Or it must be,
The solution I face,
Only way past it.

Out of mind.
To cope, to save me.

Rift

Rift running deep,
Evicerated by the thoughts.
Turmoil of emotiness,
The rage in the quiet.

The silent darkness,
Walking through the dark alone,
The darkness my home.
Defiant and strong.
The rage my instrument

Thinking of time.
Confined to the mind.
Emptying out my pain.
Filling it with rage,
Turning it empty.

Myself, a dark night,
Dimly lamp-lit.
A figure stabdibg on the corner.

Silently watching,
Everything let go.
The darkness, the silence and emptiness all a familiar friend.

Friends unfamiliar,
Living without seeing.
Unable to help regardless.

A confusing state,
This rift.
Rift of mind,
Rift of sight,
Of being and of thinking.

Left to the black emptiness.
Somehow tricking myself into and out of feeling.

An emptiness without sadness,
Without happiness.
Mere being.

Sad words to others,
For me, a state i understand,
A state i cannot feel,
This rift within me.