A Sign, Unexpected

A sign unexpected,
Beyond any expectation,
Beyond any glimmer of comprehension.

A sign, showing me truth, showing me care,
Showing me confidence.
But also, showing me my scars,
My wounds, I had thought healed,
Opened and festering.
Without care I hoped to close,
To ignore.
That it had disappeared.
It hadn’t.
Just resided until again.

The pain still raw, still real.

It’s showed me.
The need to close,
To heal,
To end the chapter.
To cease its pain.
So a scar left will just be that.
A sign, a reminder, of the past.

It’s showed me.

It’s truly showed me.

From this sign, unexpected.
From a place unknown.

A message never expected.

A truth to be known.
A truth I didn’t see.
But now see clear.

I still, with this sign,
Know what to do,
But not the way.

I can only guess,
And truth my heart and mind.
To let go of the pain,
To let go of fear,
To see and to trust.
To rebuild,
To remedy.
To be kinder to myself,
For I’m here trying after all my struggles. After all the pain and scarring.

To find and cope.
To make whole again how I had been shattered, so long ago.
Yet the cracks remain fractured wide.

I will try.
I will try.

The first step was sight,
To see the pain still beneath,
The scars still left open.

Hopefully I can get peace,
After those scars are closed.
Hopefully I can find,
Be ready to find what was lost,
When I do this.


A happier poem has been long overdue, this is happy-sad, writing this way too late before work tomorrow but I have to for me and my mental health.

It’s happy and sad, happy for finding, happy for being and seeing, sad for losing, but happy for the hope of it getting better and maybe getting back what I regret to have lost. But needed to for getting back on track and a new perspective.

I aim to write a blogpost on another blog I have about hardship and how it should be embraced and learnt from for its forging elements. But will do that another time, hopefully tomorrow unlike I planned to today.

I haven’t added an image to a post in a long time. But this one deserves one. I was going to look at the site I usually went to. But was looking for a meaningful one. But. It hit me. There was only one image. The image that changed me, the time that changed me, the sunset I can never and would never want to forget. The one that started this life- and mind-changing journey. Started the confidence, the care, the pain, hardship and growth. It started it all.

Let The Soul Adrift

Just to let.
The soul adrift.
Adrift in time,
In place and being.
Just to let it be.
Let it wallow in pain,
To break it down,
And out the rubbyle, build anew.

To break and feel every pain.
To let it feel,
To let it hurt.

To let it fester,
A reminder.
Of the pain.
From every scar.
Every time.
To let your soul suffer,
To let it die,
Over and over, before your very eyes.
To let it break and die.

To let it rage in its death throes.
Another death, another time.
To watch your soul die.
To watch it rage.
Ti watch it slip away.
Into a sea of nothingness.

It’s just another time.
Just another time to die.

Just another time.
Just another life thrown away,
Just as I was learning to live.

But just as with the others,
Just another, time to die.
Just another.

So used to the feeling,
A death worse than death.
Another time felt.
But am I used to it by now?

Another time.
Yet another time.
To feel gone through.

I Hope

I hope,
Things get better,
Just better for us,
As the drift and fade may take.

But. I just hope.
Hope more than I can.
Hope to the whole world.
Hope,
Even as I’ll miss all the times.

Missing those such good times.
Times that’s shaped me,
Forever.

All I can,
Is hope and try.
But never forget.
How you shaped me.

Gave me hope, kindness,
That I never had.
I’ll never forget.
Can never forget this.

I never want to,
Forget the lessons shown.

Giving me such light to my soul.

Such light and hope.

I wish you every kindness,
That the world can offer.
I wish it all to find you.

I’m sorry.
That the path made was this one in end.
But not the journey, strength, hope.

A path I’m glad I found. You.
I’m glad.
You’ll never see this,
My gratitude.
The positive impact.
The hope and kindness.

But I hope the message reaches your soul.

As you’ve shown life to mine I cannot describe.


Writing this, happy-sad. Thinking, the way my life’s been changed. Been changed all for the best. Everyone working out their own things, their own journey, mine included. And despite how things appear. Mine’s been changed for the better. Purely for the better, even if I may not see it at times or many times. A special place in my heart for these times, a special place truly.

Forging the Pain

Forged from the pain, in the fires of Hell,
Comes my soul,
To break free,
As something new.
Forged in fire,
To find beauty in the world.
To find peace and goodness,
To give kindness and empathy,
For when the world seems cold.

I choose to stand.

From all the fire,
I have come to see.
To be.

My own soul and mind,
Broken and ripped apart,
Only to be forged back into place,
Stronger,
Scarred, but stronger for all that pain.

But this is where the story can all too often stop.
At those scars,
But with goodness to find,
A reason, aim.

To look and feel,
Grasp at beauty,
To cling to kindness and goodness,
My sword and shield.

As I choose,
To walk and bare those flames.
I choose.
Willingly,
To plunge my hand,
Consumed by flame.

To make,
To feel,
To be.

To try to be.


Writing this, thinking about me, my past, my present, future and photography. A way for me, to forge the pain, into something beautiful, peaceful, an encapsulation of me, and an extension of me.

Forging pain with photography into something nicer.

I Have The Memories

I have the memories,
The times past,
Times left in the balance.

Memories of a time.
Memories that no one can take,
That nothing can erase.

Of the times past.
From my past,
Memories that live on,
In the confines of my mind.

Pleasant memories,
Memories of kindness and care.
That I can hold on to,
Even as time fades.
Into the past,
Yet I remember clear,
Unlike any others,
Unlike other times.

But I remember,
Those times fondly.
At least these,
I have to keep.
Have these to remember and hold.

But these are mine.
Mine to keep.
Remember the changes,
How far I’ve come.

How far I’ve grown,
I’ve had to,
How care continues.
I haven’t,
Been hardened by a world so cold.
But fought to keep the flame burning bright.
To keep true.
To keep true to myself,
To knowing, to me.

To be all I can be.
To just be.


This poem is reminiscent, of an old one I wrote, many years before this blog, one that got published. I’ve grown a lot since I wrote that old one. It was a poem about memories, keeping them, no one changing or taking them.

Take Your Pain

What I’d give, to take your pain.
To take your pain,
How I see, how I feel.
Your pain, as my own.

Pain, I know all too well.
I’ve seen and lived.
Pain that’d broken me.
Over and over again.
Seeing it, once again.

It’s a pain.
A pain I know.
One I’d take again.
To release from it.

I write, to question.
To ponder.
To say, I would do this,
I wish to take that pain.

Watching it,
Pains me.
Seeing it,
Haunts me again.

To see,
When the soul breaks down,
It breaks apart.

I am sorry.

I wish I could.

I want to do so.
Take the pain,
Save another.
Pain I have become so accustomed,
Even now,
I cannot distinguish pain from its lack.

But I fight,
Knowing who I am,
Who I want be.
And I,
I will,
Fight my demons,
And beat them.
To help you.
To help you with yours.
That’s.
A battle.
I can fight.
I can win against my demons.
Filled with strength and meaning.

I can fight and win my demons.
To find my best self.
My true self, meaning.

But I try.
Seeing the pain.

But.
You try.
To hide your pain,
Knowing mine.
But we cannot hide from our own past,
Our trials.
No matter how we try.

So I have come to find.
All we can do.
Is try to face them.
See them,
Embrace and throw them.
Aside.
In a fight,
Everyday.

But that’s it.

So I try.
Again and again.
In an endless fight.
But I care.
More than I want to admit.
More than I want to see,
But even I can’t hide from that.
And I don’t think I want to,
Even if I could.

Have to Keep Hold

Have to keep hold,
To stay strong,
To remember being,
Remember its worth.

The feeling,
To hold,
Onto life.
To stay,
To keep strong.
As the song goes on.

The body may tire,
But I’ve been there;
Living without worth,
Without hope,
Without reason.

But I’ve found,
Something.

Out of nowhere.

So I must hold strong,
To keep hold.

To keep on and on,
To keep trying and fighting for every breath.

Even as it may grow difficult,
May grow hard.
May rip you apart from the inside.

But you must try,
Try to keep true,
To stay strong,
To keep strong,
To remain true,
To yourself and everything.

The alternative is despair.
A path I have walked down, A path I choose to try,
To not walk again.

A path. I choose. To not walk again.

It’s way to easy,
To slip down,
Into the hole.
But I’ll try.
Keeping true to my goal,
To help, love and care,
To maybe keep my path,
My personal path.

A path of care,
I’ll try.

But it’s all to easy,
To slip and fall.
Remembering why.


Been good going home, been mixed for a large number of reasons, I’ve needed this, I’ve missed home more than the almost 5 years I’ve been away.

Been exhausted and low, low and unsure, I’ve needed the break, the time away to collect and soul-search. For my own mental health. Which has been pulling me apart recently, even if I haven’t seen it. It still does, and still will when I go back. But I’ve had a bit of distraction, bit of break.

Lots is still uncertain and in the air. But all I can do is try.

Changed Me.

Changed me.
I’m a changed man.
How the feelings rush in, the good,
Fighting anxieties and worries,
Making me feel whole and found.
Changing me to seek change.
To be better and better,
To stretch and fly.

Oh, how it changed.
How I’m changed.

Listening to that song,
The one that only reminds me of you.

Always grateful,
Always remembering,
How you came in and shook up my life.
To show me,
To show me, how to show myself living.
To find, be, care and move towards life.


Feeling much better, now chatting again. Loving life, living life, wanting to be better for myself. To find and be. me.

Empathy And Care

It cuts deep,
It rages strong,
It cuts me to the core.

But it makes me who I am.
It is who I am.

I do what I did.
Out of care.
With no regrets for doing just that.
I’d do it again,
Even if it cuts deep.
That’s what you do for caring,
For loving.

To take away the pain.
Just to be, to live,
I’ll bare the world’s pains.
If it’d make you smile for a second.
It would make the pain of the world worth it to bear.

It would.

It just would.

It would.

Taking my stand,
Knowing my choice,
And why,
Even if I regret,
I won’t forget.
I don’t regret my reason,
My care.
I would do it again.
If it would help,
For just a second,
It would.

I would walk to Hell,
Step into the flames.
And bare the pain.

As I would know why.
I would see,
The care,
I feel,
And it would keep me.
It would keep me going.

I would see.
And it would free me.

I have chosen,
To take the step.
To take that step.
I have walked the flames.

Chosen to walk away,
Leaving behind my heart,
Leaving it out,
To take the step.
And it hurts,
But it’s worth it.