Kindly Embrace

Such a kindly embrace,
A touch than cannot be described.
A feeling that picks us up.

The world gone bright, warm.
Only us.
Diving into the world,
You by my side.
Always ready to catch you,
You there to swing me.

Feeling immense.
Those casual times.
Smallest moments,
Largest feelings.

Caring for one another.
All good when I’m with you.
Ready for the new day,
Till I get to see you again.
Simple and true.

Seeing you in the morning,
Beautiful as ever,
Waking up next to you.

Seeing that smile to start my day.
Making my day.
As a smile laying next to you,
Watching you play,
A small blissful moment,
A moment of us.
Finite, neverending in memory.

A kindly embrace to all of my and your times.
The saddest nights,
Brightest days,
The stormiest depths,
And all the rest.

What a time to be alive.
Being alive.
Full of feeling.

Encapsulated by…
Encapsulated with…
Encapsulated with a kindly embrace.

Being together.

A kindly embrace.
And us together.
The world to be taken,
Step by step.
All for us.

All from a moment.
A kindly moment,
This kindly embrace.


Writing a storyesque poem, thinking of true feelings of love never felt, never felt true.

But a feeling I know, maybe knowing he best part. But the best shines bright on the worst, as long as care is there, the problems fade or at least become cope-able.

Thinking of the feeling I’m ready to give, someone who cares for me the same way.

Listening to heartfelt songs.

Thinking.

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Promise You

Promise you,
Care to stay,
No matter my troubles I face,
I will make it through,
To bolster myself against the demons of my past.

I promise you,
Your past,
You,
All of you,
I’m there for.

To stand by you,
In the dark, cold or rain.
To be there,
To see you smile,
That next time.

Having my own demons to face.
My own to beat.
My triumph to keep.
My promise to you, and to me.

A kindness,
Promised to you.
My care,
Promised to you.
One I’ll keep.

My promise to you.
One I’ll keep.

I Know True

Knowing true,
What I know,
My path at a crossroads,
A question mark,
In the middle of an unended sentence.

Knowing true,
Me.
Realisation under the stary-night sky.
Sitting outside, content with it all.

Knowing the truth.
My truth.
Fire burning inside.
A calling to the world.
The echoes into the world’s night sky.
Me.
Lighting it up.
Lighting it up bright.

Bring me back to the bright.
Back into the light.

The truth.
The bright realisation.

Knowing me.
Standing defiant to the cold of night.
Flame burning bright,
Never to go out.
To show the world.
A spark to ignite the flame.
To brighten up my world.

To help those in need,
My truth.
A promise to keep.

Keeping my truth, my flame,
Burning bright.

Knowing me.
Knowing my truth.
My flame burning bright.

Sad Contentment

Sad contentment,
The realisation.
A sad goodbye.

Realising the pain,
The total bliss.
The amazing times and the rough ones.
Are not worth the pain,
The pain of a turned back,
An enjoyed pain,
Waiting and hurting.

A sad contentment,
From the realisation.
Of what is worth, and what isn’t.
What I saw as worth,
What I always believed,
With others telling me to go.
I always stayed.
To make sure the okay.

A sad contentment,
The realisation I was wrong.
That it’s not worth it.
Even as I still think it might be.
It isn’t.

Back to the hatred to pull myself from it,
Underpinned by a sad contentment.
Realising.
Reluctantly.

The saddest goodbye I’ve never wanted to say.
But I have to,
With sad contentment.
Wishing to stay,
But knowing I cannot,
I’ve known for a while.

But convinced myself otherwise,
To get at that high,
Those smallest of moments,
Smallest of times, making the whole world bright.
Making everything better.

Knowing I have to go, but wanting to stay,
Linger a little longer,
To get to know.

But I have to go.
Off into the wild brush.
With a sad contentment,
I tried,
What I could.
Tried to be the best I could be.

A sad contentment,
Being better, stronger.
The goodbye, a show of strength against all I wanted.
The need of a goodbye.

A sad contentment, getting by.
A sad contentment.
A sad goodbye,
One I do not want to say.

Off I go.
In sad contentment,
Times and feelings that I’ll miss.
Knowing I tried.

Off I go,
In sad contentment,


Writing, I’m okay, in realisation. I care, I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t. I care, I don’t hate, could never hate (at least not truly to my heart). But. Sometimes you need to get out, even though their are good times, even if they all outweigh any bad, and even make the bad very temporary. I’m tired living a lie. A lie I’ve told myself for so long. I always value truth, especially to myself, the only thing I’d ever consider lying to myself. But I cannot anymore.

Do You Know?

Do you know how I feel?
Do you know?
How I feel,
What I think.

Not wanting to hurt someone else,
Through how I feel.
Caring too much,
To ever hurt another.

Those amazing times hanging out.
To merely be there,
In the moment with another.
To care too much for another.

Do you know?
You need space?
You have it.
You need a call?
You have it.

I want to be there,
But also cannot as it hurts.

Hurts but those good times.
Are too good to lose.

Did you know before,
Seeing you with him,
Inviting me along to watch,
To see how you felt with him.
Did you know how I felt?
How it made me feel,
Happy, to see you happy,
Sad that it wasn’t,
Self destructive to keep watching.
All in the past now.

I am better now,
But.
Did you know?
Do you know?

I know,
I feel,
I felt.

Maybe I need to go.
But I don’t want to.
I’m so much better,
That’s the point.

I want someone who cares,
Who is there,
As they’d know I would always be for them.
Who cares.

Do you know?

Caring to Goodbye

Caring to goodbye,
An attempted end,
Seeing you, close to another,
Saddens, yet also fills me with joy.
Knowing yu can be happy,
Even as I wish I could do that.

Knowing I care,
But caring hurts.
Knowing you,
But knowing it’s not good for me.
But also it is.
The best feeling,
Unparalleled in simple beauty.
Also dark,
In the overthinking of my mind.

I will miss the good times,
The helping, understanding friend.
Who never understood,
Never will,
How much I care.

I wish you to be better,
Wanting to avoid dragging you down.
A silent, caring goodbye.
Ended but darkness.
Abrupt and unknown,
May be the best solution.

But I don’t mind.
As long as you can be happy.

I care,
No matter if I try not to.
I care,
Even if I fool myself I don’t.
I care,
Enough to a painful goodbye I’ll never say.
Never say, to help you.

Easier to forget someone you hate,
Why you make it so difficult for me.
I can never hate you.
I have tried.
I will try most likely.

Wanting to avoid, when you find someone you care for,
That will break me inside,
But also make me happy, to see you happy.
I need to escape,
To save myself the pain.

A question awaiting answer,
Put off until recently,


I am better, sad poem, maybe but I’m not sad. Sad that this may be a last goodbye, but wishing all the best and as always all my care. But I need to let go, of what is good but never true.

Again, I’m okay but need to let go, of what I hoped but is never true. To live in the light and truth.

Last Good Moment

A last good moment,
Savouring every second of bliss,
The care,
The feeling.

Always hoping for your best,
And in so doing,
Showing mine.

The care,
A last good moment,
Good night,
Seeing you smile,
Lighting up my world.

Cherishing this last good moment.
In my memory.
A beautiful moment,
Many, beautiful moments.

Cherished.
Loved.
Remembered.
Kept.
Beautiful.

Kept.
Along with all those smallest moments.
The small chats,
Sweetest moments.

Some of the best memories,
I have ever made.
Some of the best moments,
I have had the pleasure of living.

Moments that will be missed.
Moments, of everything.
The last good moment.


Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can, continue with more than just a memory.

Published night of the 10th, thinking, wondering, more poems for tonight, to ask and try to answer, where am I, what do I feel, what I want to do, what I should do and what do I need to do. With my closest friends saying one thing- my mind too, and my heart telling me the other.

Ponderings On Feeling

Feelings,
A thin and fragile thread.
One felt and true.

A wondering thing,
Mapping out a path,
Ending up somewhere new,
Yet also familiar.

A fragile thread,
Beautiful in its own right,
Its own shining light.

A thread, linking past and present.
Through the new ‘you’,
From the old,
On into an unknown future,
One of ‘you’.

Uncertainty abound,
A new path waiting…
Waiting to be found.

A moving and shifting space,
Tenuous at times,
Unbreakable at others,
But all nonetheless, ‘you’.

The pains, troubles, breaks and strains.
Play this string,
Add to its story.

The amazing times, bliss and beauty,
Also playing their own unique tune.

A melody of this fragile string.
A unique tune,
Forming of a unique song.
One of you,
Nevertheless true.

Many parts to a whole,
An encapsulation,
A beautiful song.

Navigating, the shrouded maps of our minds,
Along.
Our thread of feelings.


Feeling much better, after a touching inaugural lecture, got me thinking. I’m good, I’m okay, it’s just been a long tiring day…

I’m pondering feelings, of all their types. To make a complete whole.

My rapid changes of mood, make it hard. Hard to understand for me and others.

Makes it hard, makes me sad, but also just accepting me. It’s hard as no one understands. Even looking at my Moodtrack, it’s been happy, consistent but not lacking occasional fluctuations.

I’m finally happy, finally me, something I’m grateful for, grateful for finding.

Thanks to all my closest friends, R and L to name a few, and especially one, who I cannot thank enough, helping me out of my past darkness and then bringing me back a light.

We all have difficulties and troubles, good times and bad. But we can make it through,

Navigating the shrouded maps of our minds and our realities.