Looking Up Into The Sky, Seeing Your Eyes

As I look up into the night sky,
I just see your eyes,
As I stare, encapsulated.

Always remembering that first night,
How I wonder.
How things changed.
How times change.

And I am left staring alone into the night sky.
Only seeing you,
Your eyes,
Brighter than the Sun,
Kind, and bringing me to life.
I write, this, never wanting to move,
Wanting time to stop,
As I look up and see your eyes.

But times have changed.
I have to go.
To save myself,
From heartbreak that will never go away.
Always with care,
To always be there if you need.

But I must go.
To save you the pain,
Seeing me break.
Seeing my heart break everytime.
I wonder if you ever cared.
To see my heart break.
But I pause.
And remember.
Looking up and seeing your eyes shine.
Ever so bright,
As ever before.

Beauty without compare.
Beauty in eyes, and in your soul.

I always will save.
A special place,
For you in my heart.
Even as I say goodbye.

Reluctant, but I must.

Now as I try,
To tear myself away,
Difficult,
But remembering I’ll always care,
Fills me with hope.

Always wanting to see your smile.
But knowing I cannot.
It will hurt, but also give me life.

So I say goodbye,
With a heavy heart, and a heavier soul.
Knowing it’s goodbye.
In one way or other.

I can’t break myself anymore.

Though it’s never something you’ve done.

It’s my heart.
I care too much,
And I can’t,
It’s not fair on you,
Nor me.

So I try,
To shut off my mind,
Yet will always keep open my heart.

So I move on.
Knowing,
Nothing will replace,
But the memories stay,
The times remembered.

In every sunset,
I see your face,
Remember the times gone past.
Knowing hope,
From having met you,
For but the briefest time.

A time that cannot be replaced.
But I leave happy,
Having met,
You having touched my soul.
Like no other.

But that is fine,
It’s okay,
I’m happy,
To have met, to have seen your smile,
To have seen your face.

You’ve touched my soul,
More than you can ever know.

For even if you have no feelings for me,
I don’t care,
For I do and keep them.
But goodbye is how I go.

Always caring and hoping,
You get all the best,
For I care.
But only wishing I could share in your success.

But I say goodbye,
Caring from afar.

But I’ll never be far,
If you need to talk,
Will travel however far, to be with you so you’re not alone.
Will be there in the difficult times at your beckon,
Or there in spirit if you don’t.
To offer any comfort and support.
That my body and soul can provide.

For I care,
And always will.
For you hold, this special place in my heart, and that will not change.

The Times

The times as they go,

Thinking,

Being,

In a world,

Feeling,

Being,

In a world of my pondering.

Thinking in the moment.

Feeling. Thinking.

Knowing.

Being used. But let it be.

To just feel something.

I know.

I feel.

I hurt.

But this I know.

This I know.

This I very much know.


I’ve had an absolutely amazing night out that I do not regret. Still thinking. Wrote this early in the night, and I opened to find it still true at the end.

Work been good recently, hectic but good. (Not had time to write poetry or a blogpost as I’ve been very busy).

Tonight, shows me everything clearly, Autism as torture. Seeing but never knowing. Being used or not? Everything I see. Pain in everything.

I loved the night out and do not regret it at all. I guess you can see why I can get so down. If I’m writing like this after an amazing night what does that say about a night hat is less than amazing. Autism. Never knowing, seeing but needing to test. I’m so confused. Have so much more to write but too tired and drunk.

The Past’s Song

The past’s song,
As time flows,
Things change,
While staying the same,
In time.

In space,
The darkness of night,
Waiting, pondering into the night,
Lights, bright to see.

In the midst of the night sky.
As it is all let to be.
To be.

The past, a song,
Playing, through time,
To see,
To feel,
To be.

As time lets it feel.
Lets it see.

In the time, making.

Looking back,
Into this past’s song,
As it plays on,
On and on.


Been an alright day, had a hospital appointment, and spent a bit of time relaxing and a bit of time on photography and at night I’m left to thoughts.

The post photo is one I took on a short walk after my hospital appointment.

And On The Walk

And onto the walk,
Down another path,
Another way on,
As the calming seas crash,
The moom so bright,
Giving, unto its shine,
The world so slow,
A world, passing.

The world before,
The landscape ahead,
As it flows down.

Beauty faced,
Reserved,
Cold, back turned.

On it goes,
Landscape seen and found,
On, the time flows,
Calm in the blank skies,
A world,
Speaking,
Its secrets, life,
Calm, at the edge of the world.

Just to to stop,
Before the moment,
To see.

And the walk,
On the trek,
Blank open space,
To calm,
Tiring of the fight,
A witness to time.

The moment,
In time.

The moment,
In place.

Amidst the moon-shine.
The time,
Passing,
As a witness,
To the fight.


Today’s been a good day, an alright one. Thinking as always. Better after writing this as some friends are going out and I think I can finally go, but yeah, alright. Haven’t really done photography in a couple of days but want to get back to it on my next day off.

Little Wonders

Little wonder,
The path taken,
Apart,
From those not chosen.
Materialised from chance,
From a multitude of paths not taken.
Reality collapsing to one actuality.

Little wonders,
This life,
The times,
Little moments on moments,
Chances by chances,
Times in the moment,
Of reality,
From existence.

A world wrapped in uncertainty,
Then memory,
My reality.

So many moments,
Wonders,
In and of the world.
Chances that could have been mixed,
Chances taken.
Times.

It is.
These times,
Wondering,
Out in the midnight breeze,
The lights shining all around,
Yet also the dark beauty of the night,
Accompanied by the sounds of the night.
All.

Little wonders,
Only but a part,
A time,
Wonders of and in the world.
Shining on me,
Showing me a place.


Wrote this, went on a last-minute, spur-of-the-moment photography walk at night, and on this an old friend, the girl I met on a random walk, chatted tonnes walking the opposite direction from the path I was taken to rescue a hurt bird with her. It was really really nice and as with everything, reminds me of every moment. Chatted for a while tonight on my walk, was nice, was unexpected. But was really nice.

An alright day, but the walk, photography and chat to this friend has definitely made my day.

Let It Be

Let it be,
In the wind of the night.
Whistling past.

Out, sat. Wondering,
Out into the dark sky,
Looking,
Not knowing what for.

As I watch.
Watching on.
Thinking.
Out into the open.
Thinking.
Just wondering,
To let it be.
To let it lie.

To watch in wonder.
Thinking into the night sky.

As it all tosses and turns,
Into the night sky.
Into the world so calm.
Yet the mind,
Wondering on.
At the beauty.

Off into the mind.
As I, here thinking.
On,
On and on it goes.

The thinking stays.
The times pass.

Watching the stars shine bright.
Watching,
In the peace of night.

Those stars,
Wondering where they are.

The night to pass.
This night.
Wondering, into the night sky.
To just let it be.

Recurrent Nightmare

Nightmare,

Oh of the pain you plague and remind me.

Oh I claw away but you still drag me back there.

Never choosing,
What the mind had seen, or felt.
And what to think. To make the pain fade fast.

As I see,
The demons of the mind.
I try to stand.
As they take,
My every escape.
Beckoning me closer,
To the black flames.

Knowing the path I have to take,
In order to escape,
To forget through hate.

Being used.
The nightmare reminds me,
Of all those darkest moments,
Behind the facade.

But the mind, fighting,
Wanting to care,
To keep my soul,
Keep kindness within my heart.

Not to lose it all again,
Never again,
To be so close,
To losing my best friend,
Through my own pain,
Hurting them so.

But so I go on.
Caring on and on.
As I know I will go on to keep caring.
Always caring,
Through the nightmares that plague me,
The past that hurts me.

But here I go,
On to keep,
Myself,
Caring on and on.

The way I just am.
Caring for those good times.
To hide from view the pain and the warnings.
Just to keep on caring,
As I cannot help it.
So I will go on fully caring,
No matter the hurt that comes.


Just woke up from a nightmare of my pas. Ridicule, hurtful, fake. Crushing all I have. Everything in darkness totality. Writing this half asleep.

Yet the worst thing? Pain is something I can cope with. Used to it. Even nightmares.

What I can’t is care, always care that causes pain because of care, care borne from hurt and ridicule. Care just used to hurt.

Nightmares I’ve learned how to cease the episode. It’s more the panic that follows and the thoughts.

Even my mind in my nightmare, clear, but hurts and has left me really panicking even after a really good day.

The scars of the mind stay. The pain stays. The care stays. Shall I be continued by nightmares? Same kind of nightmare, same topic but different setting.

Had lots of these recently, causing panic and pain.


I wrote the above yesterday at 3am, as soon as I woke up after the nightmare, last night. I remember it. Of course I do.

Today’s been a good day, but the nightmare’s been there. Of ridicule, hurting and doing anything to rip me down no matter how I try to only go along. Had an awesome day, but this nightmare’s always been in the mind. Still is.

Knowing a lot is true and a lot I don’t want to believe is true. But oh well. The mind will go on caring even when submerged in pain. I’ve tried so hard for so long to kill the caring. Doing almost everything to purge care from my body and it’s never worked.

Back To The Call

Back to this call,
Into the call of the night sky,
The bright night sky,
A reminder,
As it lights up against the dark sky.

Into the call,
Call into the night,
Call of the night sky.

The poetic song off into the night.
Back through time,

The calmness of the night.
How it calls,
Through, into, oblivion.

As it all flows,
This beauty of the night,
Silence drifting,
Of all these times.

Times of the night.

Final Pain

Final pain, waiting for it to stop.
Let it fade,
Distant into memory.

To gather dust,
Like an old tome unopened.
It gathering dust and cobwebs,
A fitting end,
An end at all.

Pain, a true reminder of life,
Unwanted.

The pain piercing,
So used to it now,
Running like clockwork.

Living? What is this.
It is only prolonged dying.
Waiting moment by moment.

Sitting and waiting,
Lost unto the world.

Off into the wilderness I walk.
Into a late night of blissful darkness.

Losing sight of all that is known.
Losing.
Hoping for the cease.
To see it all wash away,
In the sea of black.

Left, to this sea of black.
Of thoughts.

Somewhat peaceful, getting lost in nowhere.
Losing all the world.
Throughout this final pain.

Beautiful Night Shine

Beauty in the night,
The moonlit ocean,
Shining bright,
Lights of the world, fading by its dim comparison.

As the moon shines bright,
All fades to the past.

A moment, so finite.
As the busy world, rushes past.
I’m left, a witness.

As it all fades by.
Given hope by the glimmer.
The beauty within,
Within a moment.
Gasping at once,
The sight striking me.

Wanting to stay much longer,
But yet it cannot stay.

As the waves, they glisten.
The world for a moment seems bright.

Those darkest nights,
Can allow the brightest shine.

All consumed in darkness,
The light shines out harder.


Went for a late-night walk, saw a beautiful sight close by, at the end of my walk. Feeling okay and at peace. The picture’s terrible, as always, never able to capture the beauty being witnessed.