Wasted

Wasted, through my care.
Unrequited,
My care, empty yet felt,
Meaningful in its truth.
But lost all the same.

My feelings wasted,
My feelings spent.
Oh how I cared,
Oh how I care.

Afraid to be hurt again.
Even though I care.

Sad, that how I feel,
All of me,
Wasted.
Sad to see my feelings,
Splayed out across the wall,
The wall of my mind.
A hurtful reminder,
Wasted.

A sadness comes over me,
Seeing you,
Wanting to help you,
Wanting you happy.

But in the end.
All my feelings.
Wasted.


I know it’s a sad poem, I’m not sad, happy, had a good day and tried so hard to help a really good friend. Someone I care about with the whole world.

It’s just a moment, painful, hurtful, overthinking. It will pass, it always does. But the feelings, the care, doesn’t.

But it’s okay, I care. And it’s wasted. I’m wasted.

Advertisements

I Know True

Knowing true,
What I know,
My path at a crossroads,
A question mark,
In the middle of an unended sentence.

Knowing true,
Me.
Realisation under the stary-night sky.
Sitting outside, content with it all.

Knowing the truth.
My truth.
Fire burning inside.
A calling to the world.
The echoes into the world’s night sky.
Me.
Lighting it up.
Lighting it up bright.

Bring me back to the bright.
Back into the light.

The truth.
The bright realisation.

Knowing me.
Standing defiant to the cold of night.
Flame burning bright,
Never to go out.
To show the world.
A spark to ignite the flame.
To brighten up my world.

To help those in need,
My truth.
A promise to keep.

Keeping my truth, my flame,
Burning bright.

Knowing me.
Knowing my truth.
My flame burning bright.

Care for a Kind Soul

Care for a kind soul,
Someone for whom I have total care.
No matter what I feel,
How much I hurt,
Everything overshadowed by my care,
My total care, for such a kind soul.

To see you sad,
Breaks me, only trying to make you feel better.
To see you ill,
I only wanting to support, and help you get better.
To see your past linger,
To listen, in kindness, to hear you out, to know you.
To know you,
To spend the smallest silliest moments with you.

Those stupidest, sweetest moments.
That’s what make me care.
Making every sadness better,
Making me better.

All feelings, hurt, everything. All put aside.
With my care. Care for you. Total Care.

Put aside, for my care, for a kind soul.


Writing this, thinking of my feelings in a moment, seeing a dear friend, someone I totally care about. No matter how hurt I was, had been, and they made me feel better, seeing them unwell, I felt nothing but care and wanting to do whatever I could to help.

Do You Know?

Do you know how I feel?
Do you know?
How I feel,
What I think.

Not wanting to hurt someone else,
Through how I feel.
Caring too much,
To ever hurt another.

Those amazing times hanging out.
To merely be there,
In the moment with another.
To care too much for another.

Do you know?
You need space?
You have it.
You need a call?
You have it.

I want to be there,
But also cannot as it hurts.

Hurts but those good times.
Are too good to lose.

Did you know before,
Seeing you with him,
Inviting me along to watch,
To see how you felt with him.
Did you know how I felt?
How it made me feel,
Happy, to see you happy,
Sad that it wasn’t,
Self destructive to keep watching.
All in the past now.

I am better now,
But.
Did you know?
Do you know?

I know,
I feel,
I felt.

Maybe I need to go.
But I don’t want to.
I’m so much better,
That’s the point.

I want someone who cares,
Who is there,
As they’d know I would always be for them.
Who cares.

Do you know?

Caring to Goodbye

Caring to goodbye,
An attempted end,
Seeing you, close to another,
Saddens, yet also fills me with joy.
Knowing yu can be happy,
Even as I wish I could do that.

Knowing I care,
But caring hurts.
Knowing you,
But knowing it’s not good for me.
But also it is.
The best feeling,
Unparalleled in simple beauty.
Also dark,
In the overthinking of my mind.

I will miss the good times,
The helping, understanding friend.
Who never understood,
Never will,
How much I care.

I wish you to be better,
Wanting to avoid dragging you down.
A silent, caring goodbye.
Ended but darkness.
Abrupt and unknown,
May be the best solution.

But I don’t mind.
As long as you can be happy.

I care,
No matter if I try not to.
I care,
Even if I fool myself I don’t.
I care,
Enough to a painful goodbye I’ll never say.
Never say, to help you.

Easier to forget someone you hate,
Why you make it so difficult for me.
I can never hate you.
I have tried.
I will try most likely.

Wanting to avoid, when you find someone you care for,
That will break me inside,
But also make me happy, to see you happy.
I need to escape,
To save myself the pain.

A question awaiting answer,
Put off until recently,


I am better, sad poem, maybe but I’m not sad. Sad that this may be a last goodbye, but wishing all the best and as always all my care. But I need to let go, of what is good but never true.

Again, I’m okay but need to let go, of what I hoped but is never true. To live in the light and truth.

Last Good Moment

A last good moment,
Savouring every second of bliss,
The care,
The feeling.

Always hoping for your best,
And in so doing,
Showing mine.

The care,
A last good moment,
Good night,
Seeing you smile,
Lighting up my world.

Cherishing this last good moment.
In my memory.
A beautiful moment,
Many, beautiful moments.

Cherished.
Loved.
Remembered.
Kept.
Beautiful.

Kept.
Along with all those smallest moments.
The small chats,
Sweetest moments.

Some of the best memories,
I have ever made.
Some of the best moments,
I have had the pleasure of living.

Moments that will be missed.
Moments, of everything.
The last good moment.


Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can, continue with more than just a memory.

Published night of the 10th, thinking, wondering, more poems for tonight, to ask and try to answer, where am I, what do I feel, what I want to do, what I should do and what do I need to do. With my closest friends saying one thing- my mind too, and my heart telling me the other.

Too Much Care

The moment I realise my lie,
Caring too much,
Caring more than I can say.
It being unwanted?
Perhaps.

Caring alone.
Thinking of my past mistakes.
The mistake of me,
Putting in too much care.

Not realising before,

That it wasn’t wanted.

Something I tried not to see.
Because it hurt.
Thinking,
Is it worth it.

Caring when it isn’t wanted.


Overthinking, the past and present, what I should do. Just thinking . Especially when I cannot help.

Don’t worry, it’ll pass, this overthinking. As it always does.

Words of the Past

A little thread,
Moment gone true,
Out from the dark past,
A reminder, of what has made me… me.

Hurt, feeling to the core.
Formative poem,
Through and into the pain.

A reminder of the words of the past.

I wrong done.
A sin of my past,
Crime to another.

Reminder of a bad place long gone.
The reminder of how far I’ve come.

The words of the past,
Long gone,
Reminding of what has gone past.

Words of the past,
Feelings felt,
Emotional swirl.

Oh how things change.
But the words of the past?
Unchanging.
But in the past.

Left to rest,
In the setting dust of time.

The bright light over the horizon,
My path in my making.
The words of the past,
Remembered,
Reminded,
Left,
Left behind,
Into the receding night behind me.

As I move on into the light.

Leaving the words of the past behind me.


A little reminder, for me if noone else, my storyesque poems are more abstract, based in truth and abstract, about feelings, thoughts, hopes, pasts, darkness and light. This category I make to show what I’m thinking on but not feeling in the moment. An exercise in empathy, of others, made up scenarios or myself or even a past self.

Read some rough messages from the past, was feeling really really good, felt too good. I still am really good. Like the last poem. Had an idea for a storyesque poem, reaching deep into a dark past.

That’s not always a bad thing, reminding yourself of a dark past, it puts things into perspective, shows you how far you have come and how far you can still go.

I’m not feeling sad at all, I’m amazingly happy right now. Totally that I cannot even explain. Totally happy.

Hence the only reason I can reach back and see into the past and stay just as happy as I am.

Honestly can’t believe and don’t know how I have come so far, found true happiness, like I’ve never felt before.