Awake I Lie

Awake I lie,

Thoughts racing,

Trouble brewing.

The uncertain future.

Perseverance to clear a path,

Draining my life through this troubled storm.

The turbulent seas,

Uncertain paths without any horizon.

Chatting a path through the darkness.

Left without a heading.

Attempt after attempt.

Storms keep bashing my direction into darkness.

Awake a lie,

Thinking of the troubles to come,

Looking for a heading.

Looking for an option.

For a way out.

All direction and certainty lost to the depths.

Lost to the darkness,

The horizon unseen.

Awake I lie,

Pondering these questions,

Without direction.

Without heading.

Looking into the darkness and uncertainty.

Taking a step at a time.

Without heading, without knowing.

Hoping, persevering, to find my way.

To find a path.

All, as I lie awake.

The Path

The path, journey,

The ups and downs,

And on it goes, through this path,

A on-going gradual path,

Into the sunlight,

Into night.

Into life.

The path walked,

Many times, and never simultaneously.

The times shared, the sun felt.

The sound of the guitar in the backdrop.

The sun setting on the horizon,

To be followed by night, then day.

The ongoing times, of sun and bright feelings.

The need to remember, the need to hold on.

An emotional rollercoaster,

Of ecstasy and emptiness.

The times gone through.

The experiences felt.

The sun shining down on the ground.

On the warm face,

The light.

The happiness and sadness.

Both at one.

Together in feeling.

Both making us human.

This is the ongoing path.

The confusion and doubt, with the aftertaste of faith.

The need for meaning,

The meaning behind being.

The grace of living, loving, being and making use of the finite time.

The time to be spent,

Loved,

Lived.

That path taken. That path of life.

The path we all walk.

The path.
Written reflecting on the book ‘Stoner’ by John Williams

My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Left Alone

Left alone,

That’s how it goes,

First to start,

Last to stop.

Left alone and predicted this,

That’s the way it goes.

The inevitable end.

The continuous path,

Expected and to be expected.

Left down, like a person with nothing left.

And loving it.

The rage and realisation.

The life and the longing.

The buildup and expectations.

The waiting and expectation.

Going on alone, as I know I must go.

The ongoing movement through time.

This onward treading.

The way it goes, and the way it must.

Ready for the shit that comes, as it always will.

No me gusta.

But that is life, the one I live.

The one I’ve been given.

The one I have and have to make.

The way I live, the way I go.

The good turning chaotic,

The way going blank.

The path turning off.

The way fading to black.

Living in the darkness and making it my own.

Owning the life that I lead.

Holding on tight to the war inside my mind.

Facing my firing squad.

Smiling in the face of it all,

In the face of the darkness and the pain.

Spitting in the face of death and darkness.

Making it mine,

Commanding it to my will and presence.

My will, it will become mine.

The path I must take,

Alone and smile.

The lonely road I walk.

To spit in the face of it all.

To face my fate,

To face my demons.

Spit in the face of it all.

The sinner of the world,

Of the darkness and the pain.

The path I walk.

The way I move.

The way I drift back and forth,

Drift off into the darkness,

Into my life eternal,

The eternal pain, ongoing and suffering.

To walk on and out,

Off into darkness.

On and off I go,

Moving on into the night.

Into the life that awaits.

This darkness I delve into,

Fight,

Rage,

Win.

Taking the pain,

Making it my own,

Making it mine.

Holding on in and through the rage.

Loving it with life as my witness.

Cutting the chord.

Stringing myself up in this life.

Loving ever second.

This rage and love,

Happiness and courage.

Weakness and strength.

Left alone, waking to my destination. The noose of the depths of the ocean.

And on I continue, left alone to my inevitable path.

Just Want To Forget.

Just want to forget,

To erase my mind,

To go on living,

As I try to make something of myself,

Get myself out of the dark ocean.

To set sail out into my world of my own.

To forget the darkness of the past,

The times to be forgotten.

To make my escape.

To start anew,

My new self, a new life.

The end of me.

Just wanting to forget, so I can escape.

Just want to forget.

Remembering The Times

Remembering the times,

Those good days,

Always a place in my mind.

The thinking, memories and the times.

Left in the feeling.

Of those good times.

The memories and places once been.

The memories and thoughts,

An ever-present reminder.

Living in the present,

Waiting for the times ahead,

Remembering those good times gone past.

A collection of memories,

A life, all on shown before me, of me.

A pleasant reminder,

Remembering the times.

The Lies They Tell

The lies they tell,

Those supposed friends,

Who shackle you to the knife,

Who throw you down, into the lies,

The bed of knives and suffering.

In your name, to spare you pain.

While exacerbating the problem to titanic proponents.

The lies they tell to misguide, trick, hurt, misdirect.

True friends are such. To cause pain.

A horrible truth, better than many amazing lies.

One is living the truth, the other a mirage that needs shedding.

The lies your ‘friends’ tell,

The pain they unknowingly cause,

Even when asked to spare me.

They hold the knife to my throat.

With the lies they tell.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.

Monsters Of The Past

Monsters of the past,

Ever-reminder of pain, darkness and corruption.

Darkness lingering,

As I try to escape.

Trying to pull me under.

The shark circling beneath the dark ocean’s depths.

Teetering on the edge,

Looking out into darkness,

That was once behind me,

Trying to come in front of me.

Leave me empty within the darkness.

Not able to rest my head,

For the demons that lie in the depths.

Clamouring for the darkness,

Bubbling beneath the surface,

Festering in the darkness.

Rageing from within the depths.

The Tartarus of being.

The depths of the darkest feeling.

Feeding off turmoil.

Wrecking what is fixed and whole.

The monster of the past.

That dark figure.

Monster of the dark past.

Living In The Moment

Living in the moment,

The presence of being,

Being in the present.

Living life to its completion,

To my goals and aims.

My world I form around me.

The world shaped by me.

The world shaping me.

My being,

Ever-present in this split-moment.

This life I lead,

Intertwined with those around me,

Those I care.

The presence of being.

The consciousness of living.

The breathing, heavy through my body.

Seeing, the wonders life brings.

Those moments passed. Moments remembered. Moments kept.

Through life, I remember.

I am.

I try to live in the moment.

Glad for what I have.

Glad for those I love.

Glad for those I care for.

Glad for the people who’ve touched me.

For those who’ve made me who I am today.

Living in the moment.

Making my mark.

Content in the moment and the mark I leave.

Living in this moment.
Inspired by this simple video I found and with recent events and happy moods did touch me: https://www.facebook.com/abnormalsociety1984/videos/1457852744309967/