Find Themselves Again

The chat, a kindness.
Helping, waiting, thinking, doubt.
Times of uncertainty, in all of our lives.
Friends by our side.

Strength gained from the fight,
The struggle to hone,
To strengthen,
To harden.
To break free.
Raging against that coldest darkest night.

Waiting to find themselves again.

Finding that darkest time too hard,
But battling a bit at a time.
Friends by the side,
Helping, thinking, supporting.

All the while,
A support,
Help,
To find themselves again.

This is the path,
Times lost,
Times found,
All the parts between,
The pain, joy, sorrow and regret.
All a trial,
A gust to blow away.

The response of rage,
Nothing to step in place,
Nothing in the way.
To stand up.
To stand against,
Until.
They’re found,
To find themselves again.


Inspired by something I wrote to a friend, inspired the title, and the poem came naturally, as all mine the meaning kinda changes as I’m writing it.

From one I written thinking about someone else to one again to do with me.

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World of Tears

A world of tears,
All the hurt and harm,
Deceit and malintentions,

All but totally,
Missing those kind words and intentions.
Small acts,
Kind words,
Small moments of care,

A time to be free,
Others to live free,
Chasing away fear,
Kind word by kind word.
Solidarity in humanity.
Fellow brother, sister and friend.

Kindness,
A free act,
Paying in all the many forms.

Chasing away,
This world of tears,
Starting,
One tear at a time.

A sad day here,
Rough time there,
To show someone being there.

Having someone at your back.
A friend, even if never met.

This world of tears,
Only a temporary affair,
To be chased, away,
One kind act. At a time.


Despite the title, it’s a good poem, I’m feeling happy yet also kinda sad. Hesitate of the world, how kindness isn’t valued, had a debate with family about Trump and the LGBTQ community.

Been thinking, hoping, wanting kindness, to be shown, to be valued more. My main goal throughout my other aims. Mere kindness, unconditionally, because due to particulars of mine, I feel emotions really hard and empathise harder.

Just situations can hit me hard to see mere small acts of kindness not valued overall.

Probably outstayed my welcome back in my home country, so back to Uni I should go.

One thing that gave me hope was a speech I watched at my graduation (watched again showing my Gran). One speaker, talking of ignoring all divides, focussing instead on humanism, a collective humanity that combines us all. Making all other divides irrelevant.

Something I wish to further, in the smallest way possible, through my own work and plans and my small acts of kindness. Ones I have done thus far, with no regrets, with fond and kind memory, of trying to help. Knowing what it can feel like, but around everyone, but totally alone. If I can help in anyway then I will.

To Help

To help,
To try, think and hold.
Being there,
No matter what may come.

As you helped me,
In from nowhere,
That random time,
In the kitchen you,
Grabbed my attention.

Kindness from a stranger,
I, being lost.
Having lost,
All care, emotion and being.
An empty husk devoid of feeling.
Having lost, relegated myself to unfeeling.

You. The kindness, the help.
Inviting me over,
The time when always being alone.
You helped.
Gave me life, showed me living,
After I had stopped looking.

The times,
Remembered,
Having found myself.
When you said,
‘What about…
What you’ve done’.

Showing me,
What I failed to see,
Stopped seeing.

Kind help,
Caring hand.
I.
My promise.
To help.
However I can.

Gratitude.
Endless.
For showing me life.
Showing me how to find.
How to keep hold,
To not let go.
Lessons of importance.
To help.

My promise to you,
Always,
To help.


A really unusual poem, a total storyesque one, thinking of scenarios, empathising with the “characters” even to the extent my eyes well up, empathy in happy-sadness, the poem shifts from a total abstraction to a friend (at the very start), the strong emotions and gratitude that the feelings reminded me of, one who helped, without ever knowing.

A friend I truly hope to see again. May be a long and unlikely shot. But a hope I still have.

Our goodbye, you in my room, to say goodbye, before tearing up, something I never will forget. But. Yeah.

Across the Mirrored Image

Across the mirrored image,
The person,
An image,
Once was,
Now past.

Different.
Mirrored.
Me.

A different place,
Person,
Eventuality.

Across this mirror image.
A face,
Both foreign and the same.
Scarred, hurt, strong.
All at the same time.
Paths once tread.

Mistakes of the past.
Regrets,
Yet also none.
Mistakes,
Making the unique,
The strength and the resilience.

A shine,
A light,
To illuminate my darkness away.
Light my world up.
A difference,
Across this mirrored divide.


Been thinking right now, at night and can’t go to sleep, guess my mind’s wondering, thinking of the past, mistakes, learning from them and getting stronger.

How you can look in the mirror, of the ‘you’ of the past, one recognised but also not, a divide along a mirror of time.

This idea got me thinking.

Those Winter Drives

Those winter drives,
Singing along to those tunes.
Worries fading away,
A time away from time.

Winter outside,
Friendship and wamrth abundant.
Those drives into the dark,
Yet also known.
A place to hold,
A time to keep in memory.

Stops and starts.
Chatting along with laughs.
All a part of one.
A winter drive with friends,
The wind calling,
World open,
Times abundant.
Hope everpresent.

These.
Times rushing,
Flashing in my mind,
Feelings flashing past.

Nothing but a smile,
For those winter drives.

Witness to the Pain

A witness,
To the pain of others,
Many, suffering and sorry.
I stand there, consoling.

Seemingly oblivious but knowing,
Of true pain,
My pain.

Witnessing others’,
My own, boiling from beneath.
Others,
All seeking help, kindness and consoling.
I stand here.
All unaware, of the pain I’ve felt.
Pretending, ‘what pain?’.

Knowing full well,
A demon’s grimace of pain,
A well-known sight.
A person’s face, showing such pain,
Another sight,
Of my well-familiarity.

Strength to put aside the pain.
To part the demons,
Move from my path all obstacles.
Move from my path all plight.
To shape what I want.
To brighten whereever I can.

Being…
A witness to the pain.
Pain so real.
Real to feel.

A depth, to rip open from the inside.
A cure, keeping hold.
Keeping hold of the light.
Light to shine my path.
Determination to brighten the life I lead.

To move along my path,
Determination, resolve and kindness to be my guide.

Only found.
This.
Through being.
Witness to the pain.


Had a good Christmas, a really good one. Realised after it, all the celebrations, so many people shared their pain, hardships, all in the family and friends, something that I’ve seen a lot (more from friends than family). And no matter if some may ridicule and insult me I have gone through great pain too, stronger and level-headed from it. But pain nevertheless, so much so the language, feeling, sight and understanding of pain, easier to understand than life, easier to contend with than breathing.

Sad to witness such pain, I can relate to, understand and also feel just to hearing it. But I guess I help?

Still…

The pain, hurts, helps, goes away and lingers all at the same time.

 

When writing this I haven’t published works in a while and wasn’t planning until I get better, expected it to be later but this poem spoke to me.

How far I’ve come,
How far I can go.

This, as many of my best poems, is dedicated to you who have helped me so much that you don’t know and I don’t understand, L.

Feelings Out of the Blue

Feelings,
The calm blue wave.
The sea, in peace,
With the open sea breeze.

Washing in,
Renewed.
A world made fresh.
The horizon ahead clear,
A pure beauty,
Simple happiness,
A gift of being.

Feelings out of the blue,
Like the golden memories,
Meeting you, all.
Out of nowhere.
A night, amazing.
Feeling, living.
A feeling without just that,
In the moment, being,
Without the feeling, until the moment passed.


Writing this just really happy, content, stronger and grateful for so many great friends. I’m totally grateful for. They make my life, perfect, to me (an idea for a poem).

Glad for my recovery, everything looking up. The main realisation, that it hasn’t been my fault. I’m not perfect but that’s me, I won’t apologise for that any more and no one will cause me to doubt that.

I will choose, to spend my time with those who care, who I care about and who see me for being me. Sometimes crazy, happy, annoying and funny, and just being me. Like so many of my friends, no, almost all of them, if not all of them. Do.

Turning a new leaf, a realisation and promise behind me.

Leaving mistakes in the past, but learning from them.

Old Friends

Two old friends,
Meeting, just like those old times.
Old times long into the past,
Time gone by.

So much has changed,
So have I.
So many things still also the same.

Just two old friends,
Hanging out,
Driving in the wind.
Times like those gone by.

A long time coming,
A long time has passed,
Yet meeting, all just the same.

Just you and me.
A long time waiting,
Those memories kept,
Those times gone and not.

To a new meeting,
Of people new and old.
So much has changed.
So much still the same.

No matter all the changes,
The world, you, I.
Just a meet-up,
You and I.
Two.
Old friends.


Thinking. An unusual poem, not one that has just come to me, because I am actually quite content without any particular feelings. Trying to ‘make a poem’. Saw an old friend. This is a place to start.

Feelings From My Heart

Feelings from my heart,
Filled at a moment’s notice,
From an unexpected place, unexpected time.

The feelings from my heart,
Unstoppable,
The warmest of feelings,
Feelings from my heart.

Memories of a time,
A place,
An odd, silly moment.
A beautiful smile,
Yours, making mine.
Would give so much,
To hold you.
Give everything,
To know you,
The true you,
Behind that beautiful smile.

Not afraid to know you,
I would stick by you,
No matter what comes.

Knowing you true of heart,
Kind of mind,
Unstoppable drive,
And a golden friend.

These,
Feelings from my heart.


I’ve had a great day, a casual one, but an amazing one. Small moments, insignificant times that are significant to me. Enough to get up and dance alone in my room in joy, sing and be happy.

Wrote this listening to Maroon 5’s What Lovers Do.

I Know True

Knowing true,
What I know,
My path at a crossroads,
A question mark,
In the middle of an unended sentence.

Knowing true,
Me.
Realisation under the stary-night sky.
Sitting outside, content with it all.

Knowing the truth.
My truth.
Fire burning inside.
A calling to the world.
The echoes into the world’s night sky.
Me.
Lighting it up.
Lighting it up bright.

Bring me back to the bright.
Back into the light.

The truth.
The bright realisation.

Knowing me.
Standing defiant to the cold of night.
Flame burning bright,
Never to go out.
To show the world.
A spark to ignite the flame.
To brighten up my world.

To help those in need,
My truth.
A promise to keep.

Keeping my truth, my flame,
Burning bright.

Knowing me.
Knowing my truth.
My flame burning bright.