Finding

The finding,
Oh so this feeling.
The greatest moments,
To be found,
Held close.

This finding,
A grip and grasping,
My finding

The happiness to be found through the finding.
The greatest of times.

The uncovered truths,
The meaning.

The great times to come.

My times to find,
Through the finding

Alive in the feeling,
The finding.

The grasp of the day, the feeling.
my feeling.

The grasp of this feeling.
Past the great unknown.

The finding has come,
The great finding.

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Holding On, to Avoid Letting Go

Holding on, to avoid letting go.

Those memories, faded and cloudy,
Like a rainy day,
As I look out the window,
Longing, thinking.
Holding on to the thought,
Holding on to every memory.

That flower begins to colour and fade,
Wilt and dry out.
No matter what I do,
Water, love and care,
To hold on.

Not wanting to let go,
Doing all I can to remember,
Keeping hold of those dear memories.
Not wanting to say goodbye.
Tears forming,
Battering my defences,
All consuming my mind.

The realisation.
I fight.
Trying to hold on-
To avoid letting go.

The way we lose contact,
Life moving on,
Steamrolling over my soul.
Moving on,
Holding dearly onto those memories.

The realisation,
An unwelcome guest,
A hurtful presence.

After having been found,
After showing me how to find-
Myself.

Looking Back Fondly

Looking back fondly,
The memories and moments once shared.
Time has passed.
Things have changed.
Looking back fondly.

Circumstances have changed,
Now is not the same,
Not alike.
I miss the past,
The time spent,
Our conversations,
What we shared.
Looking fondly back.

Maybe all an illusion.
The inevitable death that time brings.
I cannot tell.
Was it all a lie?
It all for nothing?
Was it something.
I cannot tell.
Looking fondly back.

Memories, photos and feelings,
All to remind me,
Of what I found.
What you showed me.
How I tried to help.
Looking fondly back.

Looking fondly back,
I look on through my mind’s eye,
A tear running down,
Remembering the time found and lost.
Missed, left and dying.
Like I am inside.
Making of life,
To have it ripped from my chest.
I look fondly back,
Always will,
Remembering and happy-sad.
Looking fondly back.

The Happy Tear

Happy tear rolling down my face,

A smile alongside the sadness.

My knowledge of the times.

The way it cannot be.

The estrangement,

Away and apart.

Gone and not around.

How I want to be with you.

The happy tear,

Running down my face,

Seeing you happy,

Seeing all those good moments you’re making.

Those times we shared.

Gone before I got to know you.

Ended and final.

Before I realised.

Before I realised.

It was gone.

It was gone before I knew. Before what was lost.

All the thoughts, hopes and ideas.

All turned to dust before my eyes.

The gravity hits me on high.

Rips me open and throws me aside.

The happy tears fall,

Breaking me apart from the inside,

As I smile happy,

Dying inside.

Broken and made at the same time.

Thrown from everything I have ever known.

Lost in the turmoil.

Thrown from comfort and care,

Ground to dust.

The last scene.

Your happiness,

As in my sadness a happy tear runs down my face.

The happy tear runs down.

Should-be goodbyes

Should-be goodbyes,

Looking at the smile on a face,
Wondering, curious.
A should-be goodbye?
Should this be the way.

I do not know,
I want to help
I want to know.
Do not know if I can help,
If I can be one to help.

A trouble of caring,
Never being able to give it all,
Even giving my all.
An ever-question,
Ruminating in my mind.

A question,
Of me,
My ability.

Looking at the memories,
Reminiscing on those smallest of moments,
Sweetest of times,

I look on,
Through time,
Back into my memories.

All my troubles,
The issues I face.

Not wanting to bring another,
Into mine.
A should-be goodbye.

No matter the help,
You gave me.
How you said I helped you.

The feeling,
Wanting to give your all.
When your all cannot be enough.

A should-be goodbye?
An end of an era.
A sorely missed moment.
Gone.
Always remembered.

A sorely missed- should-be goodbye.

Pandora

Pandora, the threatening presence,
Willful test of reality
Shattering questions of being,
Offering questions of thinking.

Oh Pandora,
What you have found. Unlocked. Opened.
The questions that plague the world.

Pandora, the questions offered up to the world.
Questions come and stay,
Filling a world once real, with uncertainty.

Unlocking the box,
Unlocking the truth, the fake. The real and misbelieved.
This unlocking, a sea of thoughts rush out.

Thoughts, that cannot be put back.
Cannot be resolved.

Oh Pandora, unlocking truth into the world.
What have you done?
It is right.
But is the world ready?

Only time will tell.
With Pandora,
Unlocking unto the world.

After So Long Having Lost My Way

After so long having lost my way.

The dark skies part,

Revealing the ever-present, but hidden sun.

The warm sun shining on my face.

The path clearing ahead.

The moments. Shared. Felt. Lived.

Finally found my way,

To the land of the living.

The times and feelings,

Once lost to me.

Brightening the sky.

Shining in radiant light.

Living in a world, ever-glowing.

Ready to pass the darkness that comes my way.

To stand and hold firm.

Renewed. Rejuvenated.

To stand firm, my friends beside me.

And I, always besides them.

Through those tough times,

Those rough places.

To hold firm and make it together,

To hold out a hand,

After so long having lost my way.

I have found and been found.

After so long having lost my way.

Feeling or Unfeeling

Question plaguing my mind,The meaning and being.The feeling,Empty and everything.The lasting question.Times which paralyse me.The answer shown.The happy-sad feeling,But feeling nevertheless.To feel,To live,To let die, but live on.My answer found,The place been.The feeling lives on.In.My answer.The feeling,Better than the lack.Better than the emptiness.Better than the end.Making me feel.Against my best efforts.A life to live,Rather than to survive.The place I find myself.The feeling that comes,The end that drifts by.My place,My feelings.The feeling of being.The me that was once lost,Once forgotten.And on I drift.It is me.The place of me.The better feeling,Than the unfeeling once known.Feeling me.A better me.The better way.This is me.The place and the feeling.The place I am.A happy-wreck.A drowned being.Overwhelmed by feeling.By being,The path outstretched,But missed.The feeling of feeling.Being whilst being.The place drifting away.Shown for nothing,While also everything.This feeling,Better than the lack.This me,This feeling,This being.I am me.All I am.This feeling.

That Fading Light

That fading light,

The times to be looked for,

Waiting to be,

But unsure,

Those times,

The small moments,

Moments of life,

Moments of love but unsure.

The making, being, be.

Those times,

Memories, to fade.

To remember,

Hold and keep.

Those moments,

That fading light.

Uncertainty but also certainly.

Those times,

Those memories and those moments.

Those times come to a close,

A final conclusion.

An end.

The time of going,

If knowing, the finality.

Pure Logic.

Walking, emotionless, observing and being.

Sitting in place, thinking, pure logic,

An answer to every question, one dominating your thinking, always providing the answer.

Never the feeling.

Oh the emptiness of logic.

Even knowing, can be empty without feeling.

This pure logic. That surrounds me.

To rationalise and deconstruct.

To render empty, to demystify.

Feelings eroding, and fading,
Into a distant poast memory.

Left only with logical thinking.

A way that never causes pain.
How could it?
There is no feeling?

Logic strikes back.
A voice making all seen.
Rendering everything visible.
But taking away its point, its reason.
And instead leaving it bare.

Unable to see past it.

Into the floodgates of reality.

Able to see,
To walk past and smile,
To talk and meet all that may come.

This logic.

Able to make all clear,
But feelings left empty.
Left with pure logic.