Pure Logic.

Walking, emotionless, observing and being.

Sitting in place, thinking, pure logic,

An answer to every question, one dominating your thinking, always providing the answer.

Never the feeling.

Oh the emptiness of logic.

Even knowing, can be empty without feeling.

This pure logic. That surrounds me.

To rationalise and deconstruct.

To render empty, to demystify.

Feelings eroding, and fading,
Into a distant poast memory.

Left only with logical thinking.

A way that never causes pain.
How could it?
There is no feeling?

Logic strikes back.
A voice making all seen.
Rendering everything visible.
But taking away its point, its reason.
And instead leaving it bare.

Unable to see past it.

Into the floodgates of reality.

Able to see,
To walk past and smile,
To talk and meet all that may come.

This logic.

Able to make all clear,
But feelings left empty.
Left with pure logic.

Arms Outstretched

Arms outstretched,

The time gone past,

Arms outstretched in comfort, in care.

In love, life and feeling.

In ecstatic feeling of content,

The ups and downs to be weathered.

The life with its arms outstretched.

To find the diamond in the rough.

The times there,

My path outstretched.

Open and to be mapped,

My course in the making.

My openness and care,

My kindness,

The care shown, care felt.

The life’s course,

To stand by what is right,

No matter who says you are wrong.

To live a life of care, kindness and love.

Touching people’s lives as I hope to feel.

To offer kindness and solace,

A warm embrace and kindness with care.

Confidence in who I am.

In who I can become.

No matter who stands in my way.

No matter the challenge to my kindness and care.

I am who I am and proud.

My arms outstretched,

The future to greet, embrace and hold.

To stand and be proud.

To take my future, life and goals.

To make them my own.

To make them whole.

To embrace the feeling.

To leave the obstacles behind,

Confined to my past,

The darkness pushed aside,

To live out what I can be, do and feel.

My arms outstretched to embrace the future I make before me.

My arms outstretched. To make my own path.

To make and embrace the future before me.

Future looking up

The future looking up,

The complex reality.

The bright days ahead,

Troubles to be faced,

To be overcome,

I will prevail.

Those times ahead,

For me to own,

For me to prevail, conquer and make my own.

To seize the day,

Form my path.

Looking bright,

In defiance of the darkness.

Untouchable by my demons.

Breaking free from the shackles of pain, uncertainty.

Making certain my path once drifting on sand.

To cement my path,

My reality.

Making certain what was shrouded by darkness.

Walking into the bright sunlight.

Untouchable by my darkness.

By living in the life,

Letting it fill me 

As the future looks up.

I rise claim it.

Those Blank Spaces

The blank spaces,

Those empty moments,

Being in the present,

Thinking of what’s to come,

In disarray,

Lost in those blank spaces.

Trying to find meaning,

Find reason.

The blank spaces I find myself in.

The blank spaces I live in.

I want to be.

Looking for purpose.

Trying all I can to find.

Don’t know how,

Don’t know where.

I try, in the face of adversity,

In the face of those blank spaces.

What Did You Expect?

What did you expect?

The question asked, wondering into the future,

Asking into the unknown.

Asking of life.

Expectation and reality.

An ever-questioning presence.

The possibility and reality.

The potentiality, the presence.

The being and the change.

What did you expect? From what has happened.

How it has progressed.

Was this the way it should be? Had to be? Was?

What did you expect from what has come?

What did you expect?

To Those Who Try To Help

To those who try to help,

Those who continue to believe in me.

I’m sorry.

The path I take, I try to make.

The doors closing on me,

A lost cause.

A hopeless mess,

When I’ve come so far.

All thrown back into my face.

As I try to make my way.

The path I try to plot, to escape the darkness of uncertainty.

I’m sorry.

The path is lost,

The bearings lost too.

Left adrift.

Left losing the will.

Left with loss,

Loss of all, of mind, will and soul.

To those who try to help,

My gratitude is yours,

But I am left adrift at sea,

Drowning in uncertainty.

Without a place to turn.

The mind cannibalising itself,

Worries manifesting,

Uncertainty growing.

I’m sorry.

To all those who try to help.

I’m lost.

And I’m sorry.

Awake I Lie

Awake I lie,

Thoughts racing,

Trouble brewing.

The uncertain future.

Perseverance to clear a path,

Draining my life through this troubled storm.

The turbulent seas,

Uncertain paths without any horizon.

Chatting a path through the darkness.

Left without a heading.

Attempt after attempt.

Storms keep bashing my direction into darkness.

Awake a lie,

Thinking of the troubles to come,

Looking for a heading.

Looking for an option.

For a way out.

All direction and certainty lost to the depths.

Lost to the darkness,

The horizon unseen.

Awake I lie,

Pondering these questions,

Without direction.

Without heading.

Looking into the darkness and uncertainty.

Taking a step at a time.

Without heading, without knowing.

Hoping, persevering, to find my way.

To find a path.

All, as I lie awake.

The Path

The path, journey,

The ups and downs,

And on it goes, through this path,

A on-going gradual path,

Into the sunlight,

Into night.

Into life.

The path walked,

Many times, and never simultaneously.

The times shared, the sun felt.

The sound of the guitar in the backdrop.

The sun setting on the horizon,

To be followed by night, then day.

The ongoing times, of sun and bright feelings.

The need to remember, the need to hold on.

An emotional rollercoaster,

Of ecstasy and emptiness.

The times gone through.

The experiences felt.

The sun shining down on the ground.

On the warm face,

The light.

The happiness and sadness.

Both at one.

Together in feeling.

Both making us human.

This is the ongoing path.

The confusion and doubt, with the aftertaste of faith.

The need for meaning,

The meaning behind being.

The grace of living, loving, being and making use of the finite time.

The time to be spent,

Loved,

Lived.

That path taken. That path of life.

The path we all walk.

The path.
Written reflecting on the book ‘Stoner’ by John Williams

Fading Away Gradually

Fading away gradually,

Slipping into nothingness,

A drifting away of consciousness,
Loss of words, thoughts, actions.

Waiting with my memories,
Swirling around from within my head,
A tornado of knives.
Spinning, piercing and cutting.
Spilling all of me, out across the floor.

The cold floor,
The distorted mind,
Blurred eyes,
Every sound intensified, before, blurring.

I fade away, with nothing left,
But the torture of my memories, the remembering.

The questions,
Of what there is to keep,
What there is to do.

Asking myself,
What is there?

Like there is no other option.

The path I was meant to take,
Always was going to take,
Always was directed to taking.

Trying to divert my mind and actions,
But ever-closer towards the inevitable path I go,
Ever-closer to the end of time.
Ever-closer, to my close.

Breathing, while watching this occur,
The mind playing a movie of your life,
A movie of the gradual fading.
The slipping away.

As I fade away gradually.