To Remember

The cherishing of all those moments,
Those chats.
Built on,
A whole world past,
Making and making this mind of mine,
This kind.

Holding the memory in place.
Thanks, place and hope.
That last day shining,
Beauty in the sun,
The world shining bright,
Kindness, cuteness and wonder.

All held true,
Remembering it all,
For what it was.

Brief, kind, nice.
A time.
Hopefully not for the end,
Golden times,
So much, little, casual and kind.
Kindest moments,
Those little chats,
About it all,
All sorts.

To remember.


Happy right now, also little happy-sad, thinking, of memories, times, conversations. Then thought of my unusual memory for social events, remembering it even many times being able to quote 80% of something said. I’ve always known the reason, as a kid, never saw friends outside of school much, so I made sure a time months ago would be memorised for all I could. Something that has come in both useful and maladaptive for my mental health, but overall, almost a world of help and helps to go on, remember and lots of stuff.

Unfortunately this memory doesn’t go into other areas necessarily, work was stressed last night but yeah. Oh well, live in the moment of happy-sad bliss.

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The Sad Setting-Sun

On the horizon,
The sad setting-sun,
The orchestral symphony of colour,
The beauty soon to fade.

Tears streaming down a face,
Witnessing an end.
A finite into darkness.
Witnessing a new era.

A time of renewal.
Accompanied by an end.
Tears streaming down a face,
The sadness of a setting-sun.

The inevitable end,
Known in advance.
Hoped would never come.
The symphony of colour,
Soon to go,
Never to be the same.

The memory,
Also soon to fade.
Tears streaming down a face.
Witness of the end.

On to new beginnings,
Better times.
Tears still streaming down a face,
Witness of an end.
A time come to close.
A change so profound.

Waiting for a chance to stay,
Knowing the path lies ahead,
To take a step into the dark.
Off and away.

Tears still streaming down a face- the sad setting-sun.
To let go,
To walk down this path.
Turn turn your back.

To face the setting sun. A last goodbye.
The new beginning to come.
The sadness behind a setting-sun.
With tears streaming down a face.

My Penance, My Punishment, My Crime.

My crime, my punishment, penance

My past a cloud over me,

The black sea rolling in,

The dark figure swallowing me,

The dark swirling storm to engulf,

I stand there. Alone. But not afraid.

This pain, my penance,

For my crime. My penalty. For my sins.

The indelible mark I leave, my crime.

My life.

The scar on the world.

The past once forgotten, opened up like an old wound.

The pierced mind,

The realisation of what I had lost, what I had forgotten, repressed and chose not to see.

Has come back to haunt me.

Oh you dark figure, standing in the doorway,

I haven’t seen you in a while,

Still too soon, always too soon.

I saw your symptoms but not your face.

The haunted face, scarred marks. Desperate living.

The crime you have come to set straight.

My crime, deserving punishment.

My existence in this place.

Why?

I exist. And I do not know why.

But I shall carry on, keep avoiding the darkness,

The spectre over my soul, within the depths of my mind.

To avoid this punishment, for my crime.

One day at a time.

Until time runs out.

A video an online friend sent me.

Reminded me of stuff I said years ago, stuff I said and thought, stuff I still think that I’ve gotten so used to thinking of, that I’ve stopped noticing.

That I deserve pain and punishment for hurting others. Even if I am not and told I am not.

I remember a time when an old friend I talked asked why I thought I deserved punishment when I said I did. The answer then, the answer now, although I had forgotten.

I’m alive, I exist. That is my crime.

https://www.reddit.com/r/borderlinepersonality/comments/64e7y7/found_this_today_beautifully_done_warning/?st=J2JA2NZ3&sh=61029f85