Distraction From Being

My distraction from being,

My face, turned the other way.

My mind in another place.

Trying to find an escape, my life,

Away from harm, hunger and hurt,

Burned alive, screaming in pain,

Longing for a distraction.

From this pain,

From this punishment.

Looking for something to help me,

To cease the pain,

The breathing, thinking, heartbeat shaking

Pained and heavy,

Each breath, a laborious task,

Each beat, being dragged forward through life.

Screaming At Your Own Confines

My screams at my own confines.

The walls closing in,

The pain drowning out.

No one to help,

No where to go.

Alone in the confines of my self.

Left confused and looking,

In desperation for a solution.

In desperation for help.

Looking and tearing apart my mind and thoughts.

Looking for a way out, a solution.

An escape.

Some help.

A friend to talk to, in my depths of loneliness.

Even as no one can help,

No one can understand.

What is raging in my mind:

The worry and uncertainty.

The longed for solution,

To my panicked fright,

The looming unknown.

The raging desperation,

Dripping from my mind.

Sapping me dry.

Exhausting my being.

Screaming at the confines with no escape.

Screaming at the being that confines me.

The reality that drains me.

The hurt that kills me,

The world that tears me.

The confines from within my mind,

No help to be found, no solace.

No place to find a solution.

No place to find my escape.

The uncertainty drawing on my mind.

Ripping apart my thoughts,

Focussing my pain.

Sharpening my worry.

Keeping me to the confines,

The chains I try to break.

The walls I try to shout down.

Left screaming at my own confines that keep me, the worries that pains me.

Living Pain

Living pain,

Hoping for an end.

Wanting an escape from this living pain.

The hurtful swirling.

The pain hurting my soul.

The darkness watching and waiting,

To pull me under,

Feeling and hurting.

In my lonesome existence.

The death gripping at my side.

A dark infection running deep.

Running through my veins.

Burden and drain on those who I care for.

My living pain,

The darkness drowning out my screams.

My Promethean torture,

My living pain.

Leaving me empty. With nothing. But my living pain.

Those Blank Spaces

The blank spaces,

Those empty moments,

Being in the present,

Thinking of what’s to come,

In disarray,

Lost in those blank spaces.

Trying to find meaning,

Find reason.

The blank spaces I find myself in.

The blank spaces I live in.

I want to be.

Looking for purpose.

Trying all I can to find.

Don’t know how,

Don’t know where.

I try, in the face of adversity,

In the face of those blank spaces.

To Those Who Try To Help

To those who try to help,

Those who continue to believe in me.

I’m sorry.

The path I take, I try to make.

The doors closing on me,

A lost cause.

A hopeless mess,

When I’ve come so far.

All thrown back into my face.

As I try to make my way.

The path I try to plot, to escape the darkness of uncertainty.

I’m sorry.

The path is lost,

The bearings lost too.

Left adrift.

Left losing the will.

Left with loss,

Loss of all, of mind, will and soul.

To those who try to help,

My gratitude is yours,

But I am left adrift at sea,

Drowning in uncertainty.

Without a place to turn.

The mind cannibalising itself,

Worries manifesting,

Uncertainty growing.

I’m sorry.

To all those who try to help.

I’m lost.

And I’m sorry.

Ever-Reminded

Ever-reminded,

The ongoing presence,

The waiting moment,

The missed opportunity.

The broken body,

The severed hopes,

Faulted mind.

Ever-reminded of the pain, the tendrils within my skin,

My blood freezing, through my bones.

The burning of my skin,

The piercing of my mind.

Ever reminded of the being,

The emptiness,

The existing,

The passing.

Pit Of Despair

Left in my pit of despair,

My home away from home.

The place I can call my own.

The prison of my mind.

The rushed desperation.

The hurt and hatred.

Irrational feelings and pain.

The rage and hurt.

This pit I find myself.

The rage and my despair,

The rushing pain.

Throwing me from comfort.

Down into pain and hurt.

Left alone, choking, in my pit of despair. 

My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.