To Those Who Try To Help

To those who try to help,

Those who continue to believe in me.

I’m sorry.

The path I take, I try to make.

The doors closing on me,

A lost cause.

A hopeless mess,

When I’ve come so far.

All thrown back into my face.

As I try to make my way.

The path I try to plot, to escape the darkness of uncertainty.

I’m sorry.

The path is lost,

The bearings lost too.

Left adrift.

Left losing the will.

Left with loss,

Loss of all, of mind, will and soul.

To those who try to help,

My gratitude is yours,

But I am left adrift at sea,

Drowning in uncertainty.

Without a place to turn.

The mind cannibalising itself,

Worries manifesting,

Uncertainty growing.

I’m sorry.

To all those who try to help.

I’m lost.

And I’m sorry.

Ever-Reminded

Ever-reminded,

The ongoing presence,

The waiting moment,

The missed opportunity.

The broken body,

The severed hopes,

Faulted mind.

Ever-reminded of the pain, the tendrils within my skin,

My blood freezing, through my bones.

The burning of my skin,

The piercing of my mind.

Ever reminded of the being,

The emptiness,

The existing,

The passing.

Pit Of Despair

Left in my pit of despair,

My home away from home.

The place I can call my own.

The prison of my mind.

The rushed desperation.

The hurt and hatred.

Irrational feelings and pain.

The rage and hurt.

This pit I find myself.

The rage and my despair,

The rushing pain.

Throwing me from comfort.

Down into pain and hurt.

Left alone, choking, in my pit of despair. 

My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.

Circle of Hypocrisy

That Janus-faced attitude,

The terrible deed done,

Storm of confusion,

Death-like figure clouding the darkness,

Groups of people unknown,

Clouded by the darkness of their hearts,

The parasitic depths to which they stoop.

The deathly grip they play,

The monopoly of chance of monopoly.

This intricate game played,

Torment and pain are the cards,

Deceit is the die,

Thrown around this board,

The circle of hypocrisy,

The terrible reality,

Bolstered through memory and continuity.

The living Lucifer,

Dancing with those fallen angels,

Those demons from within the depths.

Their pleasure from pain,

Target of torment,

A sick game played,

Wreck and ruin the aftermath.

Many words,

None describe.

This torment, disgust,

At the degradation of the depths of humanity,

The depths.

This circle of hypocrisy,

Ever-so shining its dark light into and through the light embrace of life.

Darkness of the Mind’s Eye 

Darkness of the mind,

There,

Waiting to push you out 

Detoxify your corruption.

Break away and push you out.

Out of me,

Out of my mind.

Purge the darkness from my mind.

Set myself free.

From the talons of the dark presence.

Waiting to escape the torture of my mind.

Break free.

Climb the piercing mountain.

Swim the torrents of the sea. 

Fight the wind’s cold piercing embrace.

Escape the mind-death.

Escape the deadly embrace.

Sometimes I wish to give in.

Let the cold wind surround and snuff me out.

But until that moment.

I am trapped.

Within the darkness of the mind’s eye.

Defiance

Defiantly rejecting the label,

The hate,

The failure in my past,

The failure in my mind,

To work for change.

To prove all wrong.

To prove all false.

To make my world my own.

To achieve what I want,

Throwaway the past,

Embrace the present.

To design and build my future.

Been a long time,

A lot of pain.

I stand in defiance,

To build the world I live.

In defiance of my past, my torture.

To build my future,

To be the architect of my own change.

A change of poetry, wrote this listening to Eminem’s “Survival” and Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness”.

A productive day, defiant day, productive day. One I own. Sick and tired of the past.