Been super busy, meant to write but had lots of travel to get home.
Did a good bit of Autism Awareness Training. It was really good, best training I’ve had. Few problems, it taught me nothing new, showed me how I already experience the world. And worst, it reminds me how difficult everything is.
If I had to describe living with Asbergers with one word, it would be “torture”. Imagine living, where everything you know, see, feel, can never be trusted, so you seek advice but can be constantly let down and hence left with nothing. Nothing known, not knowing.
My trip home was long. It’s good, but so weird, I definitely don’t feel like I belong here anymore, it’s familiar but alien at the same time. But being home for a day and a bit now it’s getting re-familiar, and going around doing photography is helping.
Can’t help but think back to the Autism Training. Hasn’t really provided ways to help me, but has proved recognition, and unfortunately didn’t provide any solutions.
Photography is a good thing, just to keep my mind occupied. Rick from Rick and Morty’s saying “just don’t think about it” truly applies to me. Hopelessly depressed, even on the best of days, just existential angst. But oh well.
I’m feeling really good right now. But it never really helps get rid of an underlying feeling of sadness. Can’t even explain it, over the years, so used to it, it gets fainter, but always still there, always continuing.